I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The air taste purple.
Randomize
