Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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