Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
