I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
