So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
