Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
