We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize