Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
