rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
