'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
