I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
