I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
