He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
