After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
