ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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