Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
