If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
