Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize