TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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