Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
