dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
