not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
