I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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