they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
