our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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