I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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