yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I am naked and annoyed.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
