I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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