1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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