are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I look better un-naked...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
