just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
