I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
