i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
