look no pants
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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