Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
