your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
