So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
