The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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