i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
