There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
