Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
