You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
