I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
