She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
