she looked like the before picture.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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