it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i now understand why vodka
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
