At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
