what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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