Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My liver just had a heart attack.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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