Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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