I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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