He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
