you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
