Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
