if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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