I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
