# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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