You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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