my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
