And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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