i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
