so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
