i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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