he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
