I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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