you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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