The maid of honor just puked.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
